big, dirty classroom

I have a big, dirty classroom on my hands. I stepped inside of it for the first time today, in all of its big, box-filled dirtiness. My school moved to a new location only two weeks ago and the students arrive in ten days. Ten days. Ten days until I am made or broken, until the classroom must be cleaned and set-up to look like somewhere that I would enjoy learning. And it is hotter than a tar road in an Arizona July, for the school has no air conditioning. How can the students learn in a classroom in which I can barely stand in in the worst heat wave of the summer? These days, I am always sweating. Sweating inside, sweating outside, sweating in my room, sweating in the kitchen, sweating on the train, sweating off the train, sweating on the street, sweating in my sleep. I met my school staff while sweaty. I will probably meet my students for the first time while sweaty, as it is surely inescapable. But on the day, I will most certainly be sweating for more than one reason. In ten days I will become a 2nd grade teacher undoubtedly and though I am undoubtedly ecstatic about all of the ketchup bottle claps, the "Read, baby, Read," chants, the "Good Job" songs and of course, the learning, I am also undoubtedly terrified. I waver daily, no surely by the minute, between pure confidence and assuredness and pure, "I don't know what the hell I am doing." Needless to say, there is pressure involved. One minute I think, "I absolutely cannot do this," and the next I will be envisioning my classroom down to the teacher outfit I will be wearing. So my only solution to this fear was to go and buy many, many teacher outfits.

Right now, I actually have nothing on my to-do list. Nothing pressing that needs to get done tonight, and to be honest, I have no idea what to do with myself. I have been told that I should, "relax and take care of myself" before the school year starts. Relax? Take care of myself? What is this strange language that I have not heard in two months? I feel strange...I think it would be best if I went and made up something errands that absolutely need to get finished tonight.