fourth week

Today was the end of the week that saw my most growth as a teacher yet. It was intense and tested my willpower at new limits. But I feel for the first time that I am a real teacher; not a fake teacher, a student teacher, or an unimportant teacher. There have been times this week when I was so tired I was honestly not sure if I would survive the next two years without finding a more effective way to cope. But then I have days like today and I remember why I am doing this and how I know I will love it.

This morning we finished reading a book titled Slam during our reading intervention hour. It is a book that seems mature for a twelve year old audience, but the issues it includes are nothing that they haven't heard of or seen before. The main character deals drugs, struggles with an alcoholic father, and is forced to quit basketball because of bad grades. When we closed our books, we began a discussion on the character of Slam and I encouraged the students to ask themselves why he seemed so angry. The students provided such deep reflections and I found it incredible to hear their intelligence come out in a new way, beyond math scores. One student revealed something so personal that I was caught off guard and in the moment I knew that I did not respond effectively. After she had gone, I spoke with the school director about what action was appropriate, I felt in over my head, unprepared to deal with situations that I knew I would likely face on a daily basis. When I was a fake teacher just a few short weeks ago, I would have said something comforting and moved on. But now that I am a real teacher, for I feel it is so in my bones, I have realized that I have much, much more responsibility than teaching basic algebra. I am responsible for their development as a person, their success inside of the classroom but also outside of it, in life and in their pursuit of happiness. I realized that there is not only more that I can do, but more that I should be doing. I decided to pull the student out of class and we went for a walk around the abandoned part of the school. I asked her about her life, I told her a little bit about me when I was her age and that I wanted to know that she was okay. She felt she could trust me and she can, her story will stay with me. It was more a moment for me than it was for her, I think. I realized that I had not gone beyond what was expected of me, but for the first time I had fully fulfilled exactly what was expected of me in my role as a real teacher. And it felt so good.

But there are still areas in which I desperately need to grow. I have one week left of student teaching, and each day I try to choose something to focus on. I have been noticing a large amount of bullying in the classroom, some right in front of my face, snide comments towards targeted students, and I know I have not reacted strongly enough. I am always caught off guard and it is something that does not come naturally to me. Yesterday, two students were expelled for assaulting a student at the metro station. It is an issue that I must attack head on because by not doing so I am implicitly sending the message that I am okay with such behavior, and I am not. But next week is a new week.

Today was the last day of school for three students in the class who will not make it to the fourth week of summer school, and I am so sad to see them go. One student in particular has been a struggle for me for the past three weeks but over the course of the past two days I have attempted the strategy of increasing the attention that I give her with the hopes that she will then be more willing to sacrifice it when I must give my full attention to the class as a whole. Today, she wrote me a letter at the end of class which I would like to share with whoever is reading, not only as a personal story but as a demonstration of how much depth and intelligence all students have to share despite the fact that many of them have not received the education that they should have received in order to express their amazing thoughts in a way that is considered "on grade-level."

To: Ms. Hahn

Sometimes a certain person can make you feel not wanted but a certain person may make me want to cry but certain people can never change you. Why is the question because is the fact cause being who are really are should never make you feel like that. But you always drift away your past rely on the present but inbrace the future because you never know what may come your way because tomorrow brings another day.

-6th grade student

Below are some photos from our 6th grade rally to launch our Olympic themed final week of summer school in which we will most certainly be gold medalists.