The six day before departure has arrived with, however, a revitalized energy that is buzzing within me in anticipation of the work I am soon to begin. Due to my admittedly mild procrastination of my work required to prepare for the intensive Teach for America summer institute on successful teaching, the past few days have been devoted to completing my assignments. Though it is rarely the case, I am glad that I procrastinated this work and am now receiving a crash course in inspiration just a few days before I begin this journey and inspiration is what will make or break it. The preparation work is filled with personal accounts of previous Teach for America corps members and their experiences facing and overcoming obstacles. Through their stories I have the opportunity to witness their approaches to such challenges inside and outside of the classroom, and I reminded what is expected of me as a teacher that holds the highest of expectations for each student in the classroom and settles for nothing less. I must accept no excuses, I must set ambitious goals for every student in the classroom, I must respect challenges that I have never faced, and I must do whatever it takes. I must not write off any student as unable or unwilling to learn, I must not expect motivation without inspiring it, and I must not rest until every child knows that they can reach the high goals that I will set for them. I must set high goals for myself and be relentless in my pursuit of them. I must do whatever it takes.
I am remembering why I chose this path and I am now running smoothly like a car pulling out of the gas station. There is an unidentifiable knot in my stomach waiting to untie, like I have packaged every idea and every goal and every desire into a small portion of my body to wait for the moment when I can become the greatest version of myself and that small ball of energy can feel that that moment is about to arrive. As a result of the re-inspiration found from my preparations, I have realized that over the past few months my focus upon my part in Teach for America had been lost. Following my acceptance, I compared everything in my current life to my future life in Teach for America. Nothing about LA compared; I was a part-time student serving tables to rude people, doing nothing of importance, nothing that I felt served a purpose to me or to the world. I developed tunnel-vision that ended on June 21st, in New York City. Then, as inevitably as it always does, distraction and life took over. I spent more time complaining about customers than I did voicing ideas about lesson plans and June 21st felt so far away that it seemed barely worth my thoughts. And more to blame, I finally found someone that I could depend on. Someone here in LA. My vision of the future turned from couldn't come soon enough to coming way too soon, not because of the arriving in New York part, but because of the leaving LA part.
Though the dread of leaving LA has not been resolved, I am thankful that I have found my purpose once again through the inspired true stories of those who have attempted this quest of closing the achievement gap before me. I have stopped viewing this journey as 'two years' and instead as a lifetime. My decision to join Teach for America and the faculty of Achievement First was not a temporary decision, it was the beginning of an endless pursuit. The time is soon to arrive and I can finally feel it in my bones again, Ms. Hahn is back.
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